Journal Me Monday: The Second

Oddly enough, as I write this second journal, I realize how difficult it is for me to get going on my actual fiction.

I have no issues getting my ghostwriting projects up and running, probably because they have less significance—not that they aren't important. They pay my bills, and I hope that they help people in the process, but as far as tagging my name to my actual work, I think I'm a bit terrified of it.

But, as the last week slipped by me, and I'm making my writing plans to start my writing career under my name, I recognized that I was still putting off the physicality of writing anything article- or fiction-focused.

This will pass. I understand that idea. But I wonder how many writers have the same issue—fear of starting or finishing a project.

When I was in college, I read an article by a writer that discussed that she did everything but write when it was time for her to sit down and do it. Sadly, her name and the article title evade me now; unless I want to dig through five years of homework, readings, and assignments, I may not find it.

When I tried to look it up on Google, there was no article written by a woman of unknown origins who wrote about being distracted up to page five. But there were almost a million hits of other information about writers distracting themselves and tips to get them writing again.

This data tells me I'm not alone, making me feel better.

While I hate the feeling that I am putting off writing more. I know that I'm not. My brain works in a very specific way. I'm laying the groundwork and recovering from a hellish transition at my ghostwriting job. (The transition from one policy to another was not planned out well, but it was fine once I got through it.)

I do like that I know how my brain works, but I still have issues not being completely judgemental, mean, and harsh on the process. As much as I want to go with the flow, it is difficult because I am a planner, but when I'm going with my plans, I want to do things faster.

I suppose it's one of the adages of never being satisfied, but I want to try. So, I am happy that I'm reading, that I can read, that I am ghostwriting and that I am journaling. I am happy that I am getting to where I will be soon.

I am happy and thankful I am on my path and moving forward.

It's all I can ask of myself.